Tuesday, 15 January 2013

How to get out of bed on a winter morning

Press snooze on radio alarm. Go back to sleep for a few minutes. When alarm goes off again throw back covers and prepare for cold air to meet skin. Fumble for glasses. Plunge feet into fluffy slippers and wrap heavy dressing gown around body. Stagger along landing and fumble for light switch. Reach foot of staircase. Greet cat. Feed cat. Put kettle to boil then brush teeth. Open front door to show cat outside world. Close door when cat refuses to venture out into cold.

Make pot of tea. Trip over cat. Retreat to bathroom. Pin up hair, put almond oil on face, and step under blissful heat of shower. Step out of shower and dive into towel before cold can reach you. Frantically dry skin and apply body lotion to keep cold out.

Huddled in robe and slippers pour out nicely brewed tea. Let cat out. Return to bedroom and layer on clothing. Apply squirt of perfume, and add necklace, watch, and bracelet. Once more in kitchen put porridge to cook in microwave while preparing lunchbox.

Feel warm glow as a result of hot tea and porridge. Tidy kitchen and put porridge bowl to soak. Let complaining cat back into house to claw at sofa. Wash hands and put contact lenses in. Apply make up. Make face at self in mirror. Look at time and panic.

Collect handbag, and other items required for day ahead. Put on extra socks and boots. Add long coat, hat, scarf and gloves. Check levels of cat food. Check keys are in bag. Gather up things, turn off lights and plunge onto cold of the outside world.

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